Learning to Reframe: Loneliness
Loneliness isn’t necessarily a “bad” thing. Silent: yes. Unrestful: sure. Incomplete: often.
Sometimes being alone--and the uncomfortable version of that state, being lonely--is what it takes before you make time to put yourself first.
There are many kinds of loneliness, but what I’m talking about today is the sudden silence. You have spent who knows how long, laboring for your family, your children, your spouse, your boss... when was the last time you took time for yourself? Time to think about what you really want, to prioritize goals that are important to you? How many times have you felt lonely in a group of people? In your relationship? How many times do you miss the opportunities you’ve let slip by?
In loneliness, we have an opportunity to reflect on what matters to us, to form action plans for the future, to audit our own sense of who we are against who we want to be. That time of reflection can bring aches and a sense of loss or yearning, but it can also bring your very savvy ability to problem-solve and plan a way out of whatever predicament has you feeling isolated, unheard, unloved, unwanted, or unfulfilled.
Even in this current environment, you have the opportunity to form a plan of action, and take steps to execute a real change in your life. Out of work? Now might actually be the perfect time to go back and finish that degree. Or start writing that book you’ve been meaning to while brushing up on your interviewing skills. Always wanted to learn another language -- there are literally free apps and you-tube courses to guide you through -- what you actually lack is the time and the drive -- so make a plan. Sure we can’t go on our vacations this year...but you have zero limits in preplanning your next one...so get a DK travel guide (they’re my personal favorite), and get on it! Added Covid pounds have you down? Download some books you keep meaning to get around to, plug in your buds, and start taking some you-time walks. House crazy loud with kids? Create a zen corner and give yourself some daily you-time, before or after the chaos, with a guided meditation.
...In other words, create time to embrace the aloneness. Let your mind roam. Let your creation be free. Paint. Write. Take a free college course. Make a new life goal.
Build a plan. Then: make it happen.