Living Within Your Circle of Influence

Business and personal improvement maestro Steven Covey uses two key terms which have been bandied about for years by nearly every self-help think-tanker since 1989, when his most popular book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People first debuted.

Covey’s prime point is to start with everything you care about--your Circle of Concern, and work backward until you reach your Circle of Influence--or, what you have power over. Using these terms as touchstones will help you to not only form and keep your goals on track, but will also help alleviate unnecessary stresses that one is inclined to take on, or that can be thrust upon them.

For instance--If your circle of concern is focused on how many pounds you may have packed on in the past few months, and it has begun to stress you out, despite all of your best intentions, and you want to lose 20 pounds, consider this breakdown:

You decide it's time to really set a goal to lose some weight.

You use the push of that goal to research exercise coaching options like fitness apps or trackers that might help motivate you.

You research healthier food options, and sit down and plan a regime that works best for you and your daily stresses.

You follow your plan to the “T.”

It is one week later and you weigh in as planned.

You have lost NOTHING.

You implode with frustration, and down two beers and half a pizza for dinner in response.

...The points between 1 and 5 are your Circle of Influence--the direct actions you are undertaking as part of your Circle of Concern. What are the things you CAN control? 1) The decision to lose weight. 2) Studying your options for achieving weight loss. 3) Dedicating to those healthier choices you have made. 4) Following through on your regime and it’s plan. What you CANNOT control (sadly) is the actual loss of the weight. This is where the stress mounts up. Why? Because you cannot control that aspect (achieving your actual goal); it is outside of your influence. It could be for many reasons that the weight didn’t come off--age and hormonal changes, shock to your system of the week’s drastic changes in habit, thyroid problems… the list goes on and on. But your choice to follow that up with the beer and pizza ARE within your Circle of Influence, and this is the double-edged sword so many of us fall upon. All that work, seemingly wasted in the end as we give up when the one part of our “plan” doesn’t follow through...the part that isn’t even in our power to fix.

How can you avoid falling into guilt, depression, and agst of not getting the return on your hard investment that you so truly deserve? There is a patience, an almost zen-line dedication we can achieve when we focus more on the ticking off on the boxes of our Circle of Influence as we meantime wait for the official results to come in. Creating a sense of accomplishment with each step you’ve made toward the achievement is at least as important as losing the weight itself. Why? Nothing comes of inaction. You can’t reap the harvest if you don’t plant the seeds--and you can’t reap the harvest if you’re constantly pulling up the baby plants to see if potatoes have started to form. So perhaps you don’t lose weight right away, or as quickly as you intended, but with dedication you will regain health. With fresh air walks or runs or yoga, a sense of refilling and refueling. Maybe you’ll meet a new person on the tennis court, a new business partner over a game of hoops, get an hour of you-time with your favorite podcast on your solo walks through the neighborhood. A refreshing sense to your day. A habit that forms in your bones that you didn’t even know you could possibly enjoy.

...You will lose the weight eventually, but what you will gain in the meantime is worth more than fitting back into those skinny-jeans. Give up what you cannot control, and invest all-in in the things you can.

Want to give it a try but not sure where to start?

Start a journal, day-planner, white board, even put dry-erase marker to a mirror in your home.

Bring in color, bring in stickers, bring in charts, bring in whatever makes you happy and build a working partner you will enjoy working with.

Begin building your lists. Use literal boxes as the header of each item.

Consider that a Project (ie: weight loss) is a multiple step process. Each action in that process gets its own line item with its own check-box

Think in a timeline of events. First you do this, then you do this, then you do that.

DO NOT include what is not in your circle of influence. This is not an action you can take or an item you can check off. This is about YOUR Circle of Influence… not whether your Boss actually gives you the raise, or your chosen politician gets elected, or you land that big account, or they take the offer on that house. You can only make action with what YOU can control.

Treat the list as a living document -- it is! It is alive in you. Add to it with new ideas of action, amend it when you find better fitting ones, and CHECK OFF THOSE BOXES!

Set self-treats NOT for the final outcome, but for levels of achievement within your plan. (ie: For every 5 checks you get an item off your Amazon wishlist, for every 25 checks you get a massage)

When you’re angry and frustrated, LET yourself be! Yes! It really sucks when you show up and the universe doesn’t! Yell into a journal! Put that energy into an extra long run! Sprint it off! Take it out on the batting cages! Go for a drive and blast your radio! But protect your hard work in that list of well-earned “X’s” by not “giving in” to the stress and frustration of what you cannot control. Take a beat. Blow it out.

Then recenter, refocus, look your list in the eye, and make like Josiah Bartlett.