Soft Skills Rule of 7: No 2. Interpersonal

Let's get personal for a moment.

Anyone else ever hear the parental warning of, “Don’t look at me with that tone of voice,” as a teenager?  No, it wasn’t a misspeak. Anyone who has ever been a teenager—or known one—knows exactly what my mother meant. The eye-roll, the side-eye, the flopped posture, the grimaced acquiescence...they were a dead give-away to my teenage woe, far before the tone of voice and exaggerated passive-aggressive verbal, “okay, whatever, fiiiiiiiiine,” even came out. 

...And this is what we are talking about when we talk about Interpersonal Soft Skills.  

The truth of the matter is: No one wants to employ that person. No one wants to work with that person. No one wants to be within a mile of that person.  Unfortunately, learning this is as much a part of going through adolescence as awkward growth spurts and acne.  It is forgivable in the youth because it is part of the learning process: like there is and will always be some form of authority over you: from parents, to teachers, to your boss, to the City Court. There will always be rules: from household chores, to state and government laws. There will always be social understandings: things you say in public, things you don’t.

Sadly, not everyone learns these rules.  Rude, arrogant, selfish, malcontent, dismissive, unjust, and physically intimidating humans people the marketplace of our offices, staff restaurants, and in some cases run our country—but to view these people for who they really are, merely shines a light on an immaturity of relational skills. They never learned the lessons—they are still that kid, only now they’re messing up the flow of a marketing meeting, a planning session, a Leadership conference all because of their inadequacy to interact at an adult level of interpersonal communication.  We do not respect these people, we do not want to work with these people, we don’t want to employ them, we don’t want to be in the same room with them. And to double down on the unfortunate mess: they often don’t know they are those people. 

This is why continuing to strengthen the muscles of Interpersonal skills is so important—regardless of where we think we’re at in our growth. These skills are the suit we wear—they are the presentation of who we are to society at-large.  Our posture, vocal tone, eye contact, and word choice are the first and most frequent representations of who we are, what we care about, how we respect ourselves and others.  Our ability to communicate effectively, to listen and not just wait for our turn to talk, to share and be open to new ideas, practicing persuasion through honest debate rather than simply lam-blasting and dropping word bombs, leaving devastation in our wake… To have true empathy and not merely parrot back, “oh I know what you mean -- when I broke my leg…” 

...These skills, as they say, “separate the wheat from the chaff.”  

Strengthening your Interpersonal muscles will lead to a lean and strong form full of fluid forward momentum in all realms of your work and private life.  It is the “secret sauce” in building trust and equity in a team. Melding empathy with confidence and honesty with humor, listening to concerns and ideas of others and clearly and respectfully communicating your own, is a path to a win/win atmosphere, and makes you the person most likely to be entrusted to lead and succeed—together—again and again.

Final note. For those who noticed: No, we didn’t forget No 1. of the Soft Skills Rule of 7: Personal. We’ll get to it. Don’t worry.