Learning to Reframe: Anger
For all that philosophers have written about calming or suppressing your anger, anger is not necessarily a negative thing.
Anger can move us to take action in moments of oppression or lack of safety. Anger can propel our decision not to give up. Anger is often the barometer of your personal sense of justice, your capacity to reject abuse, to stand and speak truth to power... a personal pledge of “never again.”
Despite its reputation as a “negative” emotion, anger can support us in many positive ways, offering access to otherwise untapped power to intercede for ourselves and others.
Yes, left unchecked and amped by dependence issues, inebriations, hate, lust for power, personal vendettas, and mental illness, anger can explode into a slew of horrible consequences… But attempting to deaden or cut off the access to anger can blind us to reality as much as any red hot rage. We feel emotions building up for a reason. They are a natural and healthy part of our psyche, day-to-day performance, filtering, processing, and problem-solving. Denying our emotions--much like the ignoring of almost anything for an extended length of time--tends to back things up and gum up the works in the best of circumstances… And in the worst? It incinerates and blows up with all the possible magnification of a bomb with shrapnel bursting out in all directions.
In these times, maybe most especially, it is good to give yourself the space to be angry. If nothing else, as it is an important part of the grieving process, and we cannot move onto the next phase without first dealing with the one we’re in.
We have a LOT of things to be angry about right now--not least of which: the capacity of a microscopic virus ruling our lives, inhibiting our work and family time, losing our jobs and businesses, tanking our savings and stock market, and screwing with even our most protected of environments: our traditions, our freedoms, our Holidays.
*#&^ This Virus!
It’s okay to be mad. It’s okay that you are upset, and it’s understandable that nine months in, your nerves feel like they are undergoing a year-long root canal.
We know. We feel you. We are right there with you, friend.
But this anger, rising from multiple onslaughts--that we will one day look back on as The Dystopian Year--brought about more than many many years before it. More social change, more support, a sense of kinship, and a sense of fight.
We got Angry, and we fought back!
We marched for racial justice!
We broke a 120-year-old voting record!
We shattered glass ceilings!
We volunteered to help the sick and elderly!
56% of American households engaged in charitable giving to help their neighbors in need, even in the face of uncertainty themselves!
Anger can get a lot done. And being as it is (quite often) just on the cusp of grief, it is often the last beat of defiance. Use your anger wisely. Allow its capacity for good.
Set a limit where it is necessary… but don’t forget to let it breathe.